Friday, January 28, 2005

A movie rant

Star Wars: Episode II, Attack of the Clones

Aside from its title, there are a great many things I dislike about this movie. The reintroduction of Jar-Jar Binks, who should have been run over by low flying speeders along with the rest of his stupid CGI frog race. Another thing is the romance subplot between Padme and Anakin, which was a pale attempt at the weirdly nuanced semi-romance between Luke and Leia before they...y'know...found out they were related. And Kiddie Boba...because...well 1) the Fett-man (to name him as by Peter Griffin) just doesn't work as a evil minded child, and 2) it seems a stupid attempt to pander the movie more to children.

There are other things. The decision to make Yoda (and 99% of the other aliens) CGI rather than a muppet (and people in rubber suits with good makeup). The splitting up of the cast that reminded me more of a Robert Jordan than anything else (though perhaps somewhat like the original Star Wars movies, but not quite so much). And the constant references to the original three movies in such a cheesy manner.

STill, there are some things I enjoy about this flick (which I recieved used as a Christmas present, which is why I own it along with Men in Black II). The light sabre fights are fun, and the opening shots of Corescant are beautiful. The sets on Tattooine are nice as well. And the big desert assault by the Storm Troopers. Gotta say...white uniforms in a desert is almost as bad as Mercedes Lackey's Heralds of Valdemar wearing sparklingly white uniforms in the midst of, say, a green forest. Also, I think that Anakin's theme music changing to Darth Vader's music was a nice touch.

The greatest crime the film made, however, was in its refusal to use good animatronics or puppetry. Farscape came out top notch, fucking TOP NOTCH, with a good use of muppets. I was overjoyed when I saw Alien vs. Predator with the simple fact that the queen alien was done with animatronics rather than CGI. It warmed my cold, frozen heart (but did NOT make it grow three sizes too big). Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow was a true masterpiece of CGI, but that was ALL CGI. It was actors holding props taking their cues off little green balls against a green background. It was the movie equivilant to the fucking polar bear in an igloo in a snow storm!


So few good movies out in theaters right now. I never did get to see A Series of Unfortunate Events, which sucks because I'm given to understand that its quite good. It sure LOOKED good. After Dark, Alone in the Dark, or whatever the hell its called apparently sucks, but I might go see it anyway because I'd like to get a chance to see a cheesy monster movie. I rented the remake of The Stepford Wives a few days ago. I really do enjoy that movie, mainly becuase of the wit that shows up in it. Its cheesy, I know, but its fun. I'm thinking of picking up a used copy of The Village for $20 in the next week or two, becuase I really do want to pick up a copy of it but I'd like to shell out as little capital as possible for it (I'm a cheap bastard). Ah well, we shall see.

Now I'm off to game! Wish us luck!


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